Ain't No Thang Like a Chicken Wing

In today's episode of The Diet Starts Tomorrow, I attended a funeral that featured the recurring themes of family, music, compassion and fried chicken. KFC chicken wings, to be exact.

I could go on and on about the amazing life of Rev. Don Ambrose, but perhaps you did not have the pleasure of knowing him.  If so, it would only make you feel like you missed out on a singular sensation. What I want to share with you is simple. It's something we need to hear at the end of a school year, the start of a school year and all the days in between.

One person can make a difference.

Rev. Ambrose was the church's minister of music during my childhood. And he was pure joy. Mr. Ambrose could tickle those ivories like we were shaking our tail feathers at a juke joint. And the ridiculous songs we'd sing! We'd sing about Jesus as well, but I think the missing Beatitude may have something to do with joyful noisemakers being blessed too. It was likely inconvenient considering both time and space to shoulder even a wheeled upright pianny to the tip top of the Mount.

His joy and approachability marked a lifetime of drawing people together. In spite of every pew being filled today for his homegoing service, it was only a teensy tiny fraction of those people Mr. Ambrose has touched with his kindness.

Whatever your spiritual beliefs, many of us feel that we have been called to teach. And that we have been called to teach compassion along with delivering academic instruction. That's what I want to take away from being present for the celebration of Mr. Ambrose's life.

And about that chicken. Mr. Ambrose had a favorite treat that remained unaltered over time. There was a reception following the graveside gathering. Inside the fellowship hall were buckets of KFC chicken! I had every intention of chowing down on a wing, but I needed to hop in my dad's truck and get back to work. (Insert a side-eye to my father here.)

All of the sudden I had x-ray vision. As I was increasing the distance between me and the buckets, I could just picture them standing at attention on the long tables covered with food so common to the Southern Baptist culinary experience. I know it's just a missed wing, but I love ceremony and remembering people through food; I was all aboard that train.

After work, I picked up some FC of my own. (The KFC left my neighborhood.)

The bill totaled $6.66, but the cashier was with me when I got to the window of the drive-thru and asked if we could throw some apple pies on the order to make it better. Done and done.

Blessed are the extra adults I remember from childhood 

who helped grow my heart by sharing theirs with me. 

I am no Rev. Ambrose, but I hope that I can pay forward some of that compassion that he had for the world.

If you were unable to make the service and want to know today's closing hymn, here it is. The page number in your hymnal may differ.

Random Acts of Inspiration/ Time to Diversify

Thanks to my amazing Facebook friends, paint chips inscribed with inspirational messages have been placed from sea to shining sea.   And there are still more chips yet to be revealed.

Here's the tag I placed at the Scottsboro, Alabama Home Depot.   It was penned by a student who made her way into my classroom from a meandering life path for sure.

There were many stellar, thoughtful photographic offerings from the volunteers who found our small town tags homes in the big wide world.   Thanks to all of the hands that set this project into motion.

People have contemplated taking on similar projects with their own dear children.   When it comes to being kind, there aren't too many bad ideas out there.

Perhaps some of the younger kids would like to participate in this guerrilla-style undertaking.   Pinterest pointed me to a page that has a few free doodled sayings that you can download as coloring sheets.

Does this mean you have to be in the crowd that likes to eat paste, demands shoestring assistance, insists upon extending bedtime deadlines and exudes 24-7 cute-as-a-buttonness?   No, everyone should grab your favorite colors and make something purty.   I'm partial to this one.   If you don't see one that fits your plan, design one your ownself.

That's so gay.

If you've heard this before, you might be an 8th grade teacher.

If you teach middle school, and this is not a topic that you've had to address, good for you.   I've had to address it every year.   I talk about it in conjunction with my behavior expectations on day one.

Here's the short version of what I say to 8th graders.   In our classroom, we are here to learn.   It is my top priority that you feel safe and welcome here.   You do not have to believe all of the same things that I believe, and I can't control your behavior when I am not with you.   But we will not use labels for groups of people as insults.   Think about how many people are in this classroom and how many family members and friends we are connected to.   What are the odds that no one in here has a gay relative, friend, or is gay themselves?   Exactly.   I respect your personal opinions on the subject, but we are not going to do or say anything in here that is going to detract from anyone else's learning, safety or comfort.   You, no matter who you are, belong here.   We are here to learn.

Obviously, you would adjust the language and content to the age level that you are teaching, but that's what I feel is appropriate for my students.   Here's the tricky part.   Some kids don't get it.   What they take away from the discussion is that my teacher thinks it's bad to be gay, so that's why I shouldn't say it.   They have a hard time understanding that the insult is given to the named group, not to whatever they think is "so gay" at the moment.   If it takes them longer to catch on, be patient.   It's also appropriate to ask, "What's a better word for what you are really trying to say?"

Someone will slip up in the first month of school and say it.   This is not because they are trying to defy you.   It's because they've said it for so long that it's become a habit.   Address the issue, revisit your expectations and move on.   If it happens again, it's time for a talk in the hall, so you can make sure that the child understands you and that you understand why the behavior is continuing.   This will probably happen with one child per year, maybe.   I've never had to put pen to paper and create a discipline referral for students using language related to denigrating someone else's sexuality for incidents that happen with my students in my classroom.   

When you draw the line with 8th graders in a way that is rooted in fairness and compassion, they usually respond positively.   Remember how insecure you were in 8th grade?   What if you knew that your teacher was there to protect your heart whenever possible.   What could you have accomplished with your writing, your art, your friendships?   And what's better than being the kind of teacher who nurtures a sense of community and compassion at such an important stage in a child's development?   When you stand up for kindness on behalf of children, there is nothing to debate.

Here's more on the topic.   

This Middle School Life

One of the worst parts about winter is that I miss cutting the grass and keeping up with Ira Glass.   Time on my riding lawn mower is like a Zen meditation for me, and I frequently listen to an episode of This American Life on my iPod while I work.   I never feel like my day job is done until my 8th graders become 9th graders.   Mowing the lawn while enjoying a podcast provides a clearer finish line.

While I prefer my pod and yard time to be an escape, I couldn't help wanting to share Middle School with you.   The radio show anyway.   I'll admit that I didn't learn anything new, but the last act contains one of the most important life lessons of all.   We never know all of the challenges other people are dealing with, and this includes middle schoolers.   To me, this falls under the "love one another" umbrella.   Do you remember when you learned this lesson in your own life?   The moment when it comes home for us usually involves a hefty dose of humility.

Yes, middle school students love to put a lot of drama out there for anyone to see.    Yes, sometimes we can guess which children are struggling socially, academically and physically.   No, we will never be able to know everyone's burdens.   It's not realistic in either our teaching lives or our other lives.   For this reason alone, we should all remember compassion.   It's always the right choice when dealing with children.

I'm not talking about excuses, just empathy.   Middle schoolers have little control over many of the circumstances in their lives.   Offering strategies for success while they are at school can help them make good choices that impact their peace of mind while they are with you.

This is also not a time for moral judgment.   Not knowing other people's challenges also extends to what you  may or may not know about their parents.   Let me be clear.   If you suspect that a child is in danger, you should report it.   If you are merely falling victim to the blame game, it's another story.   You may be sure that the child is being poorly parented.   Don't waste any of your time thinking or talking about that.   What can you do as a professional teacher, not a parent,  to help usher that child toward success during the school day?  That's where your time is better spent.   That's where you have some control and expertise.

With respect to your subject area, what needs to happen between the school year's start and finish lines in an effort to send a more knowledgeable student on to the next grade?   Your curriculum should be a cornerstone, but it's also going to take a lot of flexibility, creativity and heart from both sides of the desk.